Com fotos divertidas, pai mostra a realidade da paternidade

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Why does bathtime always involve cramming as many family members into one of the smallest rooms in the house at the same time? I guess the eldest 2 like it as it's like a cheap version of the sea life centre. They get to watch these weird pink slippery things splash about and generally contort themselves out of these chairs while sucking the life out of some sponges. Clemmie and I are there just play life guards and crowd control. I should charge admission. Just avoid the dirty nappies at the door and the water EVERYWHERE. Actually, forget it – Health and safety would definitely shut us done. #waterstaysinthebathgirls #bathtime #sealifecentreathome #cheapentertainment #twins #mygirls #theyneverstayinthesechairs #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 3, 2016 at 1:11pm PDT

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I seem to forget to feed myself sometimes. I can get to 5pm and realise I've had nothing other than a cup of tea that's been microwaved 5 times and has a skin on it that's thicker than I feel after watching a documentary of dark matter. The twins, on the other hand, get 3 square meals a day spooned directly into their mouths. I tried crouching between them in the hope @mother_of_daughters would feed me too (FYI I don't have tiny arms) although I was rumbled by Delilah who kicked up a fuss. They have absolutely zero loyalty or compassion for me. Get between these girls & their food and you may just lose a finger. #noidonthavetinyarms #foodoverfathers #arewefeeders #theydontsharefood #nowonderimlosingweight #microwavetea #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 13, 2016 at 1:01pm PST

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Cooking with the family is important so that they get an early interest in what healthy eating is all about. But when you add two 10 month work experience kitchen hands to the mix who have minimum training and hygiene standards that would get a greasy kebab placed closed down, Jamie Olivers 15 minutes meals turn into Simon hooper's 90 minute botch jobs. In the end you just chuck it all in and hope for the best. The likelihood is that it will get rejected by the discerning clientele anyway. Might as well just short cut the whole process and chuck the raw food directly into the bin. #masterchefiaint #sausageandchipsitis #worstworkexperienceever #ottieatearawgarlicwhole #whydowebother #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 14, 2016 at 1:32pm PST

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Girls all home – #dadtakeover complete. Here's the stats: 3 days with 2 babies and 1 camera. 14 cups of tea, 30 nappy changes, 32 feeds, totalling 192 floz of milk, 15 hours of sleep, 2 bags packed, 1 trip to the tip, 4 beers, 4 miles of pram pushing, 3 baths and 2 loads of washing. Add all that up and coincidentally it comes to the same number of dad points I racked up. I'll trade those in for a quiet beer in France next week (the exchange rate for dad point is as bad and the euro!). Thanks for following all. Have a lovely Sunday evening. #dadtakeovercomplete #franceherewecome #mygirlsareallshattered #11hoursinthecar #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Jul 31, 2016 at 12:36pm PDT

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If there is one thing that us dads are good for its being used as a mobile human climbing frame. We're practicing our routine for britain's got talent, the talent being how many family members can hang off me (kind of a real life buckaroo game) before I slip a disc and crumple into a pathetic mess crying like a child who's grazed their knee for the first time. Now all I need it for @mother_of_daughters to get on my back and the twins to rest of my shoulders and the award is surely mine. Come see us on the BGT tour next year. #dadclimbingframe #buckaroo #whyisitalwaysmedoingthis #backofan80yearold #thighsofapowerlifted #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Sep 8, 2016 at 12:51pm PDT

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Teething is now in full effect and the girls want us to know all about it. An email would have sufficed but it seems they'd rather use their voices to get the message across that they really aren't enjoying this stage of development. Its not straight screaming, it's more like the sound a wounded animal might make that just wants to end it all. I can't blame them though, it's like a mini scene from 'Alien' in there at the moment, just in very very slow motion (and of course teeth don't then go on to kill you and the crew of your ship so a few subtle differences but essentially the same). #canyoubulkbuybonjela #teethinglikealien #twins #thisisntfunforanyone #doubleteethingisnotdoublethefun #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #daddydentist

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Sep 21, 2016 at 1:06pm PDT

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So apparently I'm now surplus to requirements which is fine by me. Gives me more time to drink tea, build stuff around the house which will get vetoed by @mother_of_daughters as it doesnt fit with the decor and generally kick back. I knew we had 4 for a reason, I just didn't know what that reason was until now. I could start a nannying business and hire them out – I could be sitting on a potential gold mine! Now is it legal or ethically correct to do this? We'll worry about that later. Show me the money! #sodthelotterymykidswillprovideforme #allthetrainingpaidoff #bribedwithsweets #sisters #twins #dadsdayoff #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #parentingwin

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Sep 14, 2016 at 12:48pm PDT

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Should I get offended that when I'm in charge of dressing the girls, instead of being given free rein to 'get creative' and use my couture fashion eye to create a 'wow' outfit that will catch the eye and imagination, I walk into their room and find that all the clothes are laid out already. Granted I have a tendency to dress them as boys, and will invariably forget the importance of layers, and that spots and strips clash, and that socks are essential, and that a baby grow doesn't count as day wear, and that I dress them the same, i cant tell them apart for the rest if the day, but surely if you give me a chance, the law of averages will mean I'll get it right one day! #daddressing #twins #dontdressthemthesame #theylovechewingshoes #icandressachild #badly #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 3, 2016 at 2:18pm PDT

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Killing time while we waited for dinner. Looking at this again I'm slightly disturbed by how feminine my hand is! That said sparkly blue is definitely my colour as it brings out my eyes…..Probably. I'll just peel the massive amount of over spill on my fingers off tonight but dowsing them in white spirit. At least i manned it up with a pint (which is massively frowned upon in France – so British of me d'oh!) #mobilenailsalon #dadpampering #itwasntworththeargumentifisaidno #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #hoopersonholiday

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Aug 4, 2016 at 11:42am PDT

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Is it only me or do all men learn to sleep on an 8 inch strip at the edge of the bed? Irrespective of the size of the bed, or how many people are in it, I always find myself relegated to the 'man zone'. I've become so used to sleeping on this limited area of bed real estate, that I'm confident that I could sleep on top of a wall & not fall off. On the other side of the bed (the promised land), @mother_of_daughters sleeps like a star fish all night long, kneeing me in the back and generally complains about me coming to bed too late, being too cold or my foot encroaching onto her territory. At least the bed's nice and warm, even if the reception isn't sometimes! I hope that next Sunday, on #NationalLieInDay, I'll not only gain another hour in bed, but more space – but it's doubtful ! If you want to regain that hour (and some space for that matter) click in the link in my bio, loads of great prizes to be won @SimbaSleep #bedrealestate #livingontheedge #girls #twins #daughters #therestoomanygirls #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #gopro

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 23, 2016 at 12:00pm PDT

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Someone call crime watch! I took this picture of a guy getting mugged in broad day light today. The 2 confidence tricksters are known in the local area and ply their trade by pretending to love their victims and then, when their guard is down, scratching their faces to pieces, pulling their hair and dribbling on them until they are given milk or rice cakes. The suspects are described as looking exactly the same, to the degree that their father cant tell them apart. They are around 2.5 ft tall, talk with a strange accent and are incredibly cute. Some previous victims had said they smell like a childrens play centre toilets but that has yet to be confirmed. #muggedbybabies #twins #parentinginjuries #thelmaandlouiseinthemaking #callcrimewatch #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 6, 2016 at 1:17pm PDT

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why is it that as soon as I come through the front door, I'm immediately forced to strap on my 'parenting UN' flack jacket & hard hat and dive into conflict resolution mode? Anya and Marnie are locked in a long, drawn out battle over the disputed lands of the sofa, the sovereignty of the blanket and who has rightful ownership of the much sort after SKY remote control. Sanctions are put in place to relieve the tension but both sides are showing little willingness to back down. The situation escalates – heated worded, threats to hostages safety (soft toys, clothing, sweets). The result – the TV going off and remote is hidden (in the cutlery draw). During all this Ottie played the role of Switzerland and didn't get involved. Ban Ki-moon could learn a thing or two from me. #wheredoyouhideyourremote #UNparenting #whyamialwaysinthemiddle #familyconflictresolution #adadsworkisneverdone #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 20, 2016 at 12:42pm PDT

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we have A LOT of toys for the girls. Some hand-me-downs, some brand new. We offer up the hand made, ethically sourced, non toxic, bespoke blocks made from organic, carbon offset wood, lovingly sourced from Norway. They look down their nose at them with disgust, decide they're tosh and toss them to one side. Then they go on a rampage to find keys, my wallet, my phone, anything that resembles a remote control and plastic packaging. If that fails, they bug me until i give up the goods. Many mornings, you'll find me running around the house, quietly cursing the babies, who've hidden my cash / debit card and /or keys. guess I should get used to this as I hear teenage girls take the same stuff. #stophidingmyshit #pointlessexpensivetoys #allthebabieswantismywallet #girlstakemystuff #ishouldgetusedtoit #fatherofdaughters#dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 27, 2016 at 12:31pm PDT

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Life with 4 daughters is never what you'd call quiet or relaxed. Infact living in a house full of drunken long distance lorry drivers and builders who have strong opinons about the world would still be quieter. As a guy I'll never quite understand why emotions have to run in the red all the time and why shouting has replaced normal speaking voices. That said there are those moments when the planets align and the world suddenly goes still and for those few seconds when they are all nice to eachother and we're all laughing, you realise why your family life is so great. Remember these moments. Go and enjoy your family. Thanks to @philippajames for capturing a moment. #happytuesday #yesimstereotyping #imsurelorrydriversarelovely #thisisararemoment #family time #fatherofdaughters #instadad #parenting #dadlife

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Aug 23, 2016 at 12:50pm PDT

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Clemmie gave me a pretty simple job this evening – "go pack the baby bag" (we're going away for a night). A plan developed in my head (why can't I take anything seriously?!) I called her in – "well you said pack the baby bag!!", expecting a laugh. She didn't. I then suggested cutting holes in the bottom for their legs to hang out like those dog carriers but @mother_of_daughters was already less than pleased that i'd used her prized leather @kerikitbags for lols, so with my tail between my legs, I repacked. A shed load of nappies, baby crack (milk powder), toys they won't play with & a monitor – There was still enough room for half my family in there! #bottomlessbabybag #mobiletwins #howmuchstuffdobabiesneed #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Oct 28, 2016 at 12:09pm PDT

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After long day of walking around and playing, The twins needed a bath and I needed a wash so day 2 of #dadtakeover ended like this. (I dont run baths just for myself…I'm a man after all). In theory this sharing of a bath was a good idea. In reality it felt like I was an uninvited blue whale who'd gatecrashed a private spa for small people. If looks from babies could kill, I'd have been dead for sure. Strategically placed flannels were used in the taking of this picture. (And yes I took the picture on a tripod before people ask! Im on my own!) On to day 3. #uninvitedbluewhale #bathtime #yesthishappened #yesitookthisphotograph #family #notsuchagoodidea #twins #parenting #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Jul 30, 2016 at 11:32am PDT

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Another monday, another last minute rush to the shops to avoid the armageddon I.e running out of nappies, wipes & baby crack (milk) for the addicts. I basically live in this aisle of the supermarket now. New parents seem to gravitate to me as an "experienced parent" (i.e. the tired looking guy shivering in the corner) and ask "do you know where so and so is please?" My reponse – "Sure 3rd shelf, half way down on the left hand side, buy 3 & get a discount,although you want to use that in combination with blah blah blah." I'm like a walking encyclopaedia of baby product info. I used to use my brain to solve global corporate wide problems. I now use it to calculate bulk buy discounts. #ishouldgetanamebadge #bogofking #iliveherenojoke #dadbrain #lifeinthefastlane #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon (@father_of_daughters) on Nov 7, 2016 at 12:45pm PST